My mind is just full of unnecessary stuffs right now, but no matter what i do, they just wont get out of my mind. To make things worse, those things just keep spinning around my head adding up more pressure and stress to my life. My life is really dull now, although i know i need a positive-mind now, i still couldn't do it.
Loneliness really kills. Sometimes i really do ask God "WHY?".. Why am I being so unsocial-able? Why am I the one? Although I always tell other people :"Just be yourself and live your life to the fullest!", do I really mean it to myself as well? I don't think so. I always wanted to be someone that can be recognized by everyone around me, I wanted everyone to acknowledge me as "someone", I wanted to be "SOMEONE"!
Yes, I'm just the kind of "too-good guy" in my entire life. However, when everyone started to turn away and started to ignore me (that's what I think), I've chosen to whether or not give up my relationship with my girlfriend. Sometimes I really have no idea what I was thinking. What do i want?? Being together with friends or being alone?! I'm really so confused now..
Only church can save me now, only God can save me now. It is like the church is the only place that i can go now. At the moment i just really want to give up everything, EVERYTHING and start running, running, running without any direction at all....
The thought of committing suicide also always comes through my mind.Frankly speaking, I already have this kind of thought since young.
I'm so stressed up now.. I just want accompany from someone, anyone... sitting beside me.. that's all i want now...
